Tears of Joy

The room is quiet as I slip away, past the curtain that surrounds the small area where a sweet woman is laboring. I'm leaving to fill up another glass with water for her. When I return, she is sitting on the bed, leaning forward and taking a deep breath. I move the glass close to her and she takes a brief sip before gripping onto her abdomen as another contraction rolls through her body.

"Oh, Jesus." She cries out.

I remind her to breathe. I'm able to get her eyes to meet mine and she slowly takes a deep breath with me. "You are doing so well." I smile and she nods. "Jesus will help you. He can give you all the strength you need and you will see your baby soon. Let's pray for Him to give your strength."

She nods, and reaches out to grab my hand. Together we pray.

The next hour goes quickly. Soon, she is telling me she is ready to have her baby. It is only minutes later that we welcome her little baby into the world, immediately placing his squirming body on her chest so she can hold him for the first time. I look up at her after her son is in her arms and watch as tears slide down her face and then deep sobs well up within her. 

"You did so well! Wow, mama, you did it! Your baby is here!"

She nods but continues to sob. 

It takes another 30 minutes before I can actually sit and talk with her again. Her baby is holding onto her finger and she smiles at me. "He's holding my hand."

She is so in love, and my heart begins to melt too.

"Wow, it is so crazy that your body is able to create a baby!"

She nods eagerly, "Yes, so crazy and so amazing!" 

"God is so awesome that He can create your body to make a new life! He is so special."

"That is why I was crying." Her eyes meet mine as her hand strokes her baby. "It hurt so much, but now he is here. They were tears of joy."

~~~~~~~~~~

Six months have passed since I last wrote. The routine of life is very much the same, yet I feel like I have changed so much. I have grown and learned an incredible amount is so short a time. I share this story of a sweet mama that I had the joy to be with during such an intimate experience in her life. I truly love being able to pray with her, to encourage her, and to sit next to her while she holds her baby for the first time. 

Yet I am also challenged because no matter how much I enjoy spending my days with women or learning more about women's bodies and the process of birth, there are times when I am exhausted, when I miss being home with my family, and when I just want to take a break.

Jesus is reminding me that I can abide in Him and receive refreshment in His presence. No matter how my emotions change, how my circumstances change, or how my sleep patterns change, He is steadfast. I can always be with Him, I can be in His presence. I am much more effective when He is constantly filling me up than when I seek to do anything based on the moment or how I am feeling. Regardless of my good intentions, He is purely good. I desire His heart, and I know that I will only find that by being with Him.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." - Jesus (John 15:4-5)

Remember, my sweet friends, that when we remain in the presence of our Savior, He will enable us for all things He has intended for us to be and do. 

Possible

"I could never do that." The phrase was almost muttered under her breath. It wasn't a comment that was new to me, but sometimes I had to wonder, "Can I do this?" Because whenever this was said, there seemed to be this expectation that in order to cross the ocean to be the hands and feet of Jesus required a very special kind of person. But I don't feel especially mighty, strong, or different from those who whisper, "I could never..."

I have spent the last month in the Philippines, and the significance of this does not go unnoticed. One month. Thirty one days. A year ago I would not have dreamed that I would be here. Six months ago I would have only hoped I would be here. Three months ago, I was believing that I would be here in faith, but not sure how it would happen. Yet, I am here and I have been here for an entire month. Part of it is surreal, like how could I possibly be here, privileged to be a part of such a beautiful ministry to women and their families? The other part of me just smiles, knowing of course Jesus would do this. The months of paperwork, phone calls, visa applications, and preparation were worth every amount of energy I spent. On the days when I had nothing left to give, Jesus continued to faithfully lead me towards this place. I am grateful, I am content, I am filled with joy. And I can't help but thinking, "You could do this." 

No matter where you go, or what you do, you can be His feet and His hands, and love with His heart. You don't have to live in fear of wondering if the Lord is going to provide for you, and you don't have to wonder if you are strong enough. He is strong, and that is enough. 

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I want to encourage you. If you are afraid, or discouraged, or feel that you simply lack faith, there are times when I feel that way too. You don't have to be good enough, or strong enough, or "Christian" enough. The Lord is seeking the willing, and He is eager to walk with you. So, trust Him. The best way to build up your faith is to use your faith. Even when you aren't sure that you can, practice trusting Him. And one day you'll look back and think, "I can do this." 

This Love

The feeling flows through my chest, and I don't know how to describe it. It is warm, and comforting. My heart beats slowly and the peace of knowing washes over me. This sweet knowledge that I am loved, I am adored, and I am His. There are these moments in my life when I feel completely overwhelmed by His love. I look upon Him and my heart is full: my King, my Savior, my beloved. Jesus. I am so undeserving. It is right for me to love Him, to adore Him, and to worship Him, but how could He love me? To be seen and to be known so completely causes me to want to shrink back. Yet He is so gentle. He has freed me from every chain of sin that bound me and I am no longer a slave. I am bound only by the intensity of His love for me. He gives His love freely; He went to the cross for my sin, my ugliness. He is here, loving me, filling me, restoring my soul every day. And all I can think is I love Him. O, I love Him. 

This is why I follow Him, out of this depth of desire and love for Him. This is how I want everyone to feel. I want everyone to know this love, and to be known so deeply by their Savior. Hearing about the love of God might be a common message, but it lacks so much meaning if you have never truly experienced the depth of this love He has for us. He goes so much farther than we would ever go, and the only response I have is to love Him back. He has paid the price for our mistakes; He doesn't hold them against us. He wants you. He wants every part of you. When you surrender to the depth of His love, you will find yourself thinking I love Him. O, I love Him. 

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine..." (Song of Solomon 6:3)

I can't understand

This work of Grace

How a perfect God

Would come and take my place

The stars, they don't move you

The waves can't undo you

The mountains, in their splendor

They cannot steal your heart.

The God who is holy

Perfect in beauty

Awesome in glory

Is ravished by my heart

Though I am poor, you say I am lovely

Though I am dark, you say I am beautiful

Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed you

Somehow my weak love, it has stolen away your heart

Surrender

I have often felt accomplished by my sheer amount of will power and diligence which allows me to accomplish so much in a seemingly stressful time of life. I went through my first year as a college student receiving good grades, and making deep friendship with other students and women I look up to as mentors.

This year has been completely different. My first semester as a sophomore provided more challenges than I anticipated. I took my roommate to the hospital two weekends in a row, my position as a Resident Adviser of students with disabilities distanced me from the other students on campus, and I wasn't sure that I should stay at Bethany College of Missions. It was an uncertain start to my sophomore year. 

Jesus was with me the whole time. The Lord has always provided His comfort and peace when I need Him. It is because of all those circumstances in my first semester back at college that I am where I am now! Through my first semester, I also became good friends with the women I RA, I went to my friend’s labor and witnessed my first birth, and now I am on the path toward becoming a midwife to serve women around the world!

All these wonderful things have led to this semester becoming even more chaoric than my last. I have been thrust head first into fundraising for the two and a half years I will spend in the Philippines, attending births (including the incredible birth of my nephew), completing my Associates degree, and making preparations for moving to another country.

I have been humbled over the past many weeks. I have come to the end of myself, and I feel generally that I wish to be done. I want to be done with college classes, done with fundraising, done with visa paperwork, and done with being sick. The past year has been such a whirlwind and I find myself utterly at the end of my strength, my persistence, my hard work. To make it even more overwhelming, I received a phone call yesterday with news that my car’s engine was blown and now find myself without transportation.

Yet, I have been reminded by a dear mentor that it is when we come to the end of ourselves that we begin to see the Lord working. When we surrender, He will take control. I thought I had surrendered everything to the Lord, yet I realize I have still been seeking to accomplish all of these things on my own power!

“Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5)

I surrender. I cannot heal myself of being sick. I cannot repair a damaged car engine. I cannot provide the finances for myself. I cannot grant a visa for myself. I am unable to do anything within my own power. I trust Jesus. I know that He is good, and He provides abundantly more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine! (Ephesians 3:20) As I reach the end of myself, I reach out to the Lord. He has never left me, and I know that He never will. His will is perfect, and I have trusted Him to guide me to this: I am able to trust Him to provide me with strength, diligence, and protection from the evil one! May we glorify His name for all that He does in our lives that we do not deserve! He is good; His name is worthy to be praised. I surrender all, Lord Jesus.

Newlife//New Adventure

Hello, my dear sweet friends! Life has been very busy lately, and the Lord has been doing so many things in my heart that I am so eager to share with you! As you likely know, I have a heart for women’s ministry. My vision is to minister to women so that they might know the true value of who they are and how much Jesus loves them. Currently, I am able to do this as I mentor and assist the two young women with disabilities that I live with.

However, over the past few months, my interest in midwifery (assisting women in the process of childbirth) has grown. I have learned about midwifery through my sister and her interest in midwives. I wasn’t sure how this could work together with my heart for missions, and I wasn’t sure if this was something I could really do. I was interested in it, and enjoyed watching documentaries with my sister on it. I had put all thoughts of becoming a midwife someday on the back burner and never really mentioned it. Midwifery came back into my mind when I was spending time with my friends who live here in Minnesota, about twenty minutes away from my college campus. They were expecting a baby, and we watched a midwifery documentary. I told them how I thought maybe one day I could become a midwife.

Later that week, I was with a mentor of mine who I shared my thoughts with. When I told her about how much interest I had in midwifery, she shared with me about a program called Newlife International School of Midwifery. One of the staff members here at Bethany College of Missions has a daughter, named Jenny, who went through the program several years ago. I was able to hear all about the program from Jenny, and about how much she enjoyed it. The program mixes both missional and midwifery training for women to become missionary midwives, and it resides in Davao City in the Philippines. The clinic where midwives receive their training is also a Christian ministry for the impoverished Filipino women in the area.

The more I heard about the program, the more excited I became when I realized how I could mix these two things together. A couple weeks after hearing about Newlife and reading everything I could on their website, I returned to my friend’s house to share my updates. They invited me to attend the labor and birth of their baby, and I gratefully accepted. The next morning I received a text message inviting me to the birth because my friend was in labor! It was the first live birth I have been able to attend, and I am so thankful I was able to be there. They even asked me to cut the cord! As I watched the midwives do their job, I fell in love with midwifery. (And then I fell in love with their brand new baby boy!)

I have spent a lot of time in prayer and seeking the Lord about going in this direction. Over Thanksgiving break, I decided that I will be graduating from Bethany College of Missions in the spring with my Associates of Arts in Intercultural Ministry. This month I am applying to Newlife International School of Midwifery and hope to be moving to the Philippines next fall. I am so excited for the ways the Lord will use me in midwifery as a holistic ministry for women to seek health in every aspect of their lives. I believe this is a door which the Lord has opened before me and I am so eager to step through and see what else He has in store.

Over the next several months I will begin the process of fundraising about $30,000 which I will need for the two and a half year program. If you are interested in financially supporting this venture, please let me know. Also, I am selling t-shirts to aid in my fundraising efforts. If you would like one, they are $18 ($20 for vneck) and come in four different colors. Email me for more info! 

I want to say thank you so much for your support as I continue to follow the Lord in all the things He has laid before me. I want to love each woman the way He loves them. Please be praying for me as I pursue this program! Blessings on you as you spend time this Christmas season with family or friends!

Here are some fun videos about midwives:

The Value of a Missionary Midwife

A Day with a Midwife

A New Year [Update]

Sawatdee, Kha! 

A Bright New Year

It is crazy for me to reflect over the past year. So much has happened, and now I am a sophomore at BCOM! I have learned a lot in the past year, and it is hard for me to find the words to summarize it all in a few short sentences. I now understand so much more about sanctification and intimacy with Jesus. Jesus likes me, and He likes you. Yes, He loves us. He loves the world and came for us. But even more than that, He likes us. He knows us in our ugliness and sin. He knows us in our brokenness. He knows much more about us than any other person. He understands us and through it all, He likes us. He wants to be with us and desires time with us. He wants to be a part of every moment. I’ve learned that you definitely cannot put Jesus into some box.

Summertime

At the end of May, I had the chance to return to Kansas Bible Camp (KBC)as a group leader for the Leadership Training Camp. It was a great week, and I again felt surrounded by the body of Christ. KBC has a special place in my heart, and being able to return is such a joy. My heart is filled by the conversations I share with others there. I returned in June and July for three more weeks which I spent as a counselor, sharing the gospel and having conversations with the girls. I have had some very interesting conversations this summer, but one of the most encouraging ones was when one of the fifth grade girls asked me to pray with her so she would trust Jesus. I also loved having discussions with the high school girls about what the Lord has to say about a variety of subjects. I also spent time with my family which was really great; it was hard having to leave them all at the end of summer. On August 3^rd, with all of my things packed into my car, I begin the drive back to Minnesota. Then on the 5^th, my team left for Thailand.

Thailand

There is so much I could share about Thailand. I absolutely fell in love with the culture and people. Three days out of the trip, we went to an orphanage. I have never been someone who loves kids ministry, but I absolutely fell in love with those kids. We didn’t speak the same language, but we found that it didn’t matter. We communicated in any way we could: smiles, laughs, giggles, ‘sign language’, charades. We also worked with a ministry to give women and men opportunities to leave the bars (and a life of prostitution) by job training starting with making jewelry. I had an overwhelming peace when I was in Thailand and I came away from the trip absolutely wanting to be able to return next year for my 16 month internship.

Upcoming Adventures                 

A lot is happening in the next year and I am looking forward to all of it! First of all, an opportunity arose last spring to become an RA with a program for students with disabilities. I was accepted for the position this summer, and I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of the two young women who will be moving in very soon! This program is called Beyond Limits and gives these students the opportunity to develop skills to eventually become independent and live on their own. For me, this means I am living in an apartment with the other female RA (my good friend Kendyl), and we will soon be joined by the two women who will be living with us. All of our responsibilities as RA’s are designed to encourage equip them with the skills they need.

The other exciting part of this year, aside from my sophomore year of college, is that I will be spending the next year in preparation for my 16 month internship which will begin next fall. I deeply desire to go to Thailand. In order to go, I need to raise $30,000. I need to raise about a third of that in order to go, and the rest should be in monthly support. This is a daunting task, but the Lord is gracious and good, and I know I can trust Him. I have many people who have been supporting me, and I am eager to see where these next steps will lead!

Prayer

Please be praying for:

• The young women who are moving into my apartment, that their transition will be smooth.
• Grace as I step into a new position as an RA, and that the Lord would be leading me.
• Wisdom in pursuing internship and following Jesus.
• Financial blessing in the next year and that I would be able to raise all the funds needed to go.
• Peace throughout sophomore year even when my schedule gets very crazy.

Thank you so much for your support and prayers! I am so eager to see what the Lord has next. This summer has been such a joy, and I’m sure the next year will be even better.

I Promise

My Promise

     A few years ago I wrote out my ‘vows’ to the Lord. It was a time in my life when I really needed to trust the Lord and so I dedicated myself to Him. I had been following Him before that, but I wanted to lay out guidelines for my own life and how I would treat the Lord. These were my vows to the Lord:

     I promise to seek the Lord in all of my relationships. I promise to show affection for Him, not ever letting it seem as though I am ashamed to call Him my Lord, my Savior. I promise to love the Lord, even if I remain single all of my life. I promise with every breath to seek the Great I AM, not leaving any time for pity parties about what the Lord has not given me. I promise to always remember the Sacrifice Christ made for me when He hung on that wretched cross. I promise to not only be a hearer of the word, but a doer with great passion. I promise to seek You, Lord, all of the days of my life, no matter how long or how short. I promise.

     Beneath this promise, I signed my name. I can’t say that I have completely lived up to this standard. But this is my goal, my heart and my desire. I want to live my life in such a way that the Lord is pleased to the actions I take. I know He is happy with me, that He takes delight in me. I want to, in return, honor Him with my choices and actions. Oh, how I love thee, Lord! 

Captivating: To Be a Woman

Security is not found in the absence of danger,

 but in the presence of Jesus.

     This singular statement from Captivating summarizes a lot. I have just finished reading Captivating as a part of an assignment of one of my classes. It has brought many parts of my life into perspective and has challenged me to find my identity and security in the presence of Christ rather than in locking myself away. Captivating has spoken the truth to me that I do not need to strive for anything. This book has declared I do have something to offer this world. I am a woman, and I am valuable.

     Satisfaction is not found in our striving. As women, we often seek to be better. We feel the obligation to strive for some goal we feel as if we can never attain. We tend not to feel we measure up, and we often feel the need to be someone who we simply are not. In the book, Stasi Eldredge said, “The more his we become, the more ourselves we become; more our true selves… To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with peace. Not a heart that is striving and restless.” You see, the more his that we become, the more that we truly become ourselves. When we are okay with who we are, we are at rest. We quiet striving and attempting to compensate for our lack of grace, lack of femininity, lack of something. A woman in her glory who is of great beauty is the woman who quits striving to become something more than she is. She doesn’t have to strive for beauty, worth or being enough because she is centered in God and He says that she is enough. I am enough when I recognize my identity in Christ. It is a vague statement to make: “Find your identity in Christ.” This is something I have heard for years, and yet I don’t believe I have truly found it. I struggled with passages such as the verses in 1 John which clearly state that if I am sinning I do not truly know God. I am clearly imperfect. I have discovered this identity to be more of an understanding of Christ. When I know who Christ is, I am content with who He created me to be. I don’t have to spend my life striving to be someone I am not.

      Sometimes I resort to hiding my heart, and locking myself away. I would rather remain distant than truly be a part of what is going on around me. But I no longer need to hide. Hiding, in the past, has brought me security. I t has made me feel okay with myself. I’m not completely satisfied in my identity in Christ, but I can at least ignore most of the things which I don’t like about myself. Yet, while reading Captivating I have realized that I truly am worth something more than what I have previously understood. God has created me to be a helper. I bring something to the world. I am valuable. As a woman, I value relationships and I pursue holding them together. These are things I am made to do, things which I can thrive in doing, but also things which are intimidating to do. Without this purpose, I find it easier to go back into hiding. Realizing this purpose and understanding that I have a very unique purpose as woman brings me into actually fulfilling that purpose. Women are important and needed in this world. When God created us, He had a clear purpose in mind for every single one of us. I see our value; I understand that I have a unique and special purpose.

Captivating has caused me to realize so many things about my soul and spirit. He shows me exactly where my satisfaction can be found: in His presence. So many of these things I have likely heard before, in passing. However, the Lord has been working on my heart so that this book could truly not have come at a better time. I praise God for His work, and I thank John and Stasi Eldredge for their faithfulness to write this book. It has challenged me in many ways, and I have much to ponder. 

Incompatibility

Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time, and time is the one thing hurried people don’t have. 

–John Ortberg

     During the readings for one of my classes, this quote came up. The more I think about it, the more I agree with it. I constantly feel rushed, hurried, bound by deadlines and time management. I think it is important to have a schedule and a plan, but I am always desiring more time to spend with people. I truly value long talks with people or just simply spending time together. Valuing a person means investing in their lives whether through hearty laughs or many tears. The one thing relationships need is time. I wouldn’t know my closest friends as well as I do unless I had spent countless hours with them. Now on the other hand, I would probably know many people more deeply if I invested more time in them.

     As a college student, time is something I deeply value. When I get a free moment, I like to be alone and cherish that moment. However, I think there are times where I should stop the rushing and the feeling of being bound by my schedule, and just let others have my time. When put in perspective, my time is both extremely valuable and completely meaningless. Valuable because my life is so very short, and I want to make my minutes count for something. It could be meaningless because, when compared with eternity, it is a short span in an endless abyss. Yet that is even more of why I should give my time away. I should not give it carelessly, but with the deepest care for others. If I will truly love others, I will reject the strangling grip of being hurried!

     The time is so short. I have a mere seven weeks left before the end of my freshman year of college. It seemed like the year would take so much time, but now I am almost to the end and I don’t know where it all went. I have many friendships I am extremely thankful for. Countless people have invested in me, and I have been privileged to get to know many of the other students in my class. I praise God for the deep friendships I have, and I ask Him to teach me more of what love is. I ask Him to take away my sense of hurry, and replace it with deep love. 

Being Righteous vs. Practicing Righteousness

"Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous." 1 John 3:7
 John's words just blow me away. He is saying that when we practice righteousness, we are righteous. By Gods grace, He sees us as righteous when we are pursuing and living out righteousness. This doesn't mean that we have perfected the art of being righteous. What it does mean is that as we continue trying, He continues to see us as righteous. What a blessing it is to be seen as righteous in the sight if God! I think of how many times I have fallen in this stumbling,chaotic walk with Jesus. Yet as I continue to stretch my hand forward to grab His, as I seek to practice the things He has perfected, I am seen in the same way as He is. I still fall, but I am not alone and I am not unrighteous.

Righteousness used to be one of my main goals in life. That was before I had an encounter with Jesus that changed my life. When I truly understood Jesus' sacrifice for me, I knew I had to either choose to live for myself or to live my life for Jesus. I chose Jesus. My life could never be the same since that old person died an ugly death at the foot of the cross. As a completely different person, I have a completely different goal for my life. No longer do I simply want to be morally righteous, instead I want to know God in the most intimate way possible. I want to go broke from spending my whole life on His desires. As I do this, as I practice this whole idea of pleasing the Lord, I am practicing righteousness. Now, instead of being unable to ever attain righteousness, I have attained it simply by practicing.

 

Practice may not have made me perfect, but it has certainly made me righteous.

Satisfaction

     

     Tonight as I listened to this song, I was reminded just how much each of us seek after satisfaction. Jesus truly is the only thing that can satisfy our souls. No matter what else we try, He is the only one able to do it. People seek satisfaction in love, relationships, social status, and money. But this is just leaving everyone a little bit emptier and seeking a little bit harder after the things which won’t truly fill them up. When Jesus was talking to the woman at the well, He told her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again.” (John 4:13) I don’t think He was speaking of the well water. I think He was talking about all the men in her life, the satisfaction she sought from all of those relationships. But He knew what would satisfy her, for he told her, “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” (John 4:14) Not only will we be satisfied with Jesus, we will be overflowing with Him. Absolutely nothing else will satisfy our souls. We can try and try and try. We can look for satisfaction in friends. We can look for it in our jobs. We can look for it in thousands of things that can never satisfy us. All of them fail. But we have a perfect Savior who purchased us at a deep price, and He fills us up. We won’t ever be thirsty again. We’ll be filled up to the point of showering it upon others. HE is all we need. All we will ever need, Jesus satisfied. 

I'm Headed to Africa!

     I can see the faces. My heart starts to beat faster with anticipation. When I pray, my mind can't stop thinking about it. In such a short amount of time, my arms will hold African children, my hands will be put to work in any job needed, my heart and mind will be poured out as I share with everyone around me who Jesus is and what He has done. I will be missing my sister's due date, the day my nephew or niece will join us in this world. But I am reminded that this baby has many to love him, but there are so many who are unloved and I will go wrap my arms around them and love like Jesus did when He was here.
     In just eight short days I will be on a plane headed for Texas, where I will once again train for my mission trip. Then, on the following Tuesday I will be headed to South Africa for a month, and then on to Uganda. It has been a journey these last several months in raising over $6,000 in preparation and getting everything that I need. But the Lord has been teaching me so much and I am looking forward to what He has in store for me.
     As I reread my journal entries from last summer I am reminded of the things I don't want to happen this time. I do not want to spend my whole summer being homesick. Yes, I love my family, but I do not want to be so homesick that my heart is not in the ministry. I want to be focused and energized, empowered by our Lord.
     I want to be bold in doing exactly as the Spirit leads me to do. Thank you, Jesus, for taking me on this journey. I am excited for all you have for me!

I am so ready! <3

India - What I NEVER Want To Forget

     *The woman at the brick village who had pain all over and wanted us to pray for her. Jessica and I did. She had a red, Hindu dot on her forehead, but still we prayed and God healed her. She told us she served other gods, but because Jesus healed her, she was now only going to serve Jesus. She wanted to pray for her husband, that he would be healed. We were unable to go to him, but that woman was full of joy when she left us.

   



     *The three people healed in one day at the gypsy village. A woman who had been suffering from stomach pain for three years. A woman crying because of the pain her swollen feet caused for three months. A small child, a little girl burning with fever for three days. All were healed. The girls skin was cool to the touch when we left.

     *The children I shared the Gospel with- over 20 of them and all of them wanted Jesus! I went to each one and blessed them, praying for them. They grinned as I put my hand to their heads and prayed for them.

     *The demon possessed woman who had three demons before already. We stood outside the church while Jacob and Joy were in the church praying for the demons to flee! When we realized what was going on, we circled up by MIGs and prayed too! When we were on our bus driving away, Jacob told us that the demon had left her.
   


     *The huge leper colony we went to. The beautiful man with no fingers who couldn't communicate with me but just sand beautifully to me, even if it wasn't with perfect pitch. Later I found out that before we came he felt like an orphan, unloved and uncared for. Abandoned. But because we came, he knew he was loved by God and us. We prayed for God to heal him, but sometimes God works in ways we don't see on the inside.

     

    No Reserves. No Retreats. No Regrets.

Ending is Just Beginning (Day Fifty Three)

     August 2nd, 2012 - Garden Valley, Texas/ Home
     It is over. MONTHS of fundraising, filling out forms, praying hard and now all of it is over. I am home. But am I really? Yes, I love my family. I am elated to be reunited with them, but I left parts of my heart on the other side of the world.
     I have never felt this way before. I have listened to Kara and her stories from Peru. God moved this summer. When we speak, God moves.
      I am home. I was treated to roast beef and a room full of balloons  flowers and chocolate. I am loved. But so many people are not. I have to go back, and I have to ALWAYS be the hands and feet of Jesus.
     My trip might be over but I will never be the same person who left two months ago. It is going to be hard. Sometimes, I might have to stand alone. What do I say when I am asked how my trip was? I had many encounters with God and I am closer to Him than ever before. I saw people healed, children get saved, adults renounce their false gods. 
     Never underestimate our God.

First time together in 53 days!

FINALLY! No PB&J for lunch!

All the stuff we brought for our trips.

The balloons to welcome me home!

Welcome back to the sunflower state! Chocolate, too!

Goodbyes & Hellos! (Day Fifty Two!)

     August 1st, 2012 - Garden Valley, Texas
     How do I spend two months in two countries, spreading the Gospel and then go home? Today I spent all day in session listening to that question being discussed and talking about how to take all that I have learned home. I am praying about what is next and where Jesus wants me. I have seen people healed, deaf men hear and so many come to know Jesus through our drama.
     Jet lag has been hard today. At 2am I was wide awake and ate crackers with Grace. At 2pm, I was ready for bed. I am leaning on my savior ot carry my through everything! 
     Goodbyes tonight were agonizing! These people I have lived with for one or two months- I am leaving them. I won't be in constant fellowship with these Christians my age who are on FIRE!
     I cried saying goodbye, so sad to leave but very thankful for what God has done through and in every one of us. None of us are the same. I watched so many people get SO close to Jesus. I am not sure how many of us are ready to go home, but the Lord is with us. He won't ever leave us- never ever.
     Goodbye Nepal, goodbye India. Goodbye First Responders. Goodbye Overcomers. Goodbye GE friends and leaders. Goodbye PB&J. Goodbye 'cows in the road.' 
     Hello to a changed life. Hello to closeness with Jesus  Hello to so many things. I will never be the same, ever again.

Sitting in the hallway, praying and remembering.

We won't stop. 

My team was lighting candles on the last night, representing how our light will shine.

Together as a team for the last time. Goodbye Overcomers!

Goodbyes.

Goodbye, Grace!

Where's My Towel? (Day Fifty One)

     July 31st, 2012 - Kochi, India/ Doha, Qatar/ Texas, USA
     This is the longest day of my life. According to the time I have been living in for the past two months it is 11pm and since yesterday I have only had about six hours of sleep. In Texas, it is a little past noon. I am trying not to sleep but I am exhausted.
     I am glad to go home because I am wiped out emotionally, exhausted  as well as physically. But I feel like I left part of my heart back in India and I won't get it back. Has this trip turned out like I anticipated? No. But, I also had a very small idea of what to expect. This trip is not a safe environment, a perfect place to serve God (although it was perfect for me because god wanted me there.) Instead, it was so imperfect that I got a feel for what full time missions might be like. Plans change, sometimes five times in as many minutes. Flexibility is vital. I am not a very flexible person, but on this trip God has taught me how to become more flexible and just go with the flow. I do not HAVE to know what is going on next. I just need to trust the one who is in control. I've thought about where God wants me next, but I just don't know. I am relying on the fact that He will let me know when it is necessary for me to know. 'For we will walk by faith not by sight.' 2 Corinthians 5:7 I will NEVER be the same. I keep repeating this because in my heart, I won't be the same. Now I want my actions to reflect what my heart is now.
     I don't know if I will ever go back to Nepal or India, but I have a sense that maybe one day I will, and Lord willing, I would go back. But I know my heart is for all nations, not just those countries  I want to travel the world, taking the Gospel everywhere I go. Where next and what next, Lord?

At 1am (Texas time) we all got to campus and went to the showers. Our project was the only one in the showers and we were loud and excited to be there. However, Brittany tossed her towel in India and forgot she needed it for Texas. So she used her pajama pants as a towel. Creativity, right there. You know this is a great solution.

The Dream Team's Back! (Day Fifty)

     July 30th, 2012 - Chennai, India/ Kochi, India
     I am on my way back to the USA. How has two months flown by so quickly? It seems like just the other day that I got on the plane in Houston to make my way to Nepal. I have loved every second (Even the hard times) because God has me in the perfect place. I am so glad that I am a Ctripper, and not and A or B tripper.
     I packed up and left, saying goodbye to the Btrippers until we meet up in Texas, and leaving India! I have spent so much time in an airport today. Curing our flight to Kochi, Michelle, Beka and I talked about what life will be like when we get home. How will we be able to adjust and live differently than we used to? At our 9 hour layover in Kochi, I got on the internet and looked at FB pictures. On my baptism photos someone commented '?'. I am not sure I am ready to go home and answer all of the questions. God has wrecked my life. How do I put that into words? 
     My heart is different and God has affirmed so many things in me that I am excited about. I am also sad to leave this great time and season.
     I have been delirious today because we have stayed up so late- our connecting flight to Doha boarded at 4am. Everything seems funny at that time. I have laughed hard because Marissa tried 'magic tricks' that the 'trick' is obvious.
     These people I have lived with for two months are my family. I am back with the dream team: all of the Ctrippers! I don't even want to imagine what it will be like NOT to see their faces every day and hear what is on their hearts. God is going to use every one of us but it won't be easy. It never is. He has stretched us and will stretch us even more than when we all get home. By God's grace, I will stand firm, steadfast.

Saying goodbye to the B-trippers until we all get back to Texas. We left many hours before them.

I love this girl. She is inspiring.

The end? (Day Forty Nine)

     July 29th, 2012 - Chennai, India
     Today was my last full day in Chennai. I was in session several times today about missions, statistics of how FEW people know who Jesus is! My heart is so convinced that this is where God wants me- as a missionary.
     A long life is not necessarily a full life. I don't need a long life. I need a full life. (The Martyrs Prayer). I came on this trip wanting to know what God has for me next- what does He want me to do with my future? Does want me to be a missionary? Is is something that I am passionate about?
     Yes. The answer is yes. God has wrecked my life in a thousand ways and He's not done. I dedicate my life to sharing the Gospel ad I honestly believe it will be in another country than my home.
     Today my team did 'Hot Seat' for each person, encouraging each other in how God has changed us and what each of us thrive doing and how we are like Christ.
     Everything that was said to me was about how I am sweet, friendly and kind. That is Jesus. I am not the person I was. I have become those things simply because of Jesus. I am encouraged. I am ready to be all of these things but I feel like I am leaving a part of my heart here.
     This is not the end. Sometimes it feels like the end, but it is not the end. This is a beginning and god has so many great things in store. I will obey Him, because I know that when I do my life is completely changed.
     Jesus is telling me, 'My sweet Leigha, just wait. You are sad because your trip is almost over, but what is coming next is going to be even better. Stay close- you are in this thing forever.' 
     And I am. I gave my complete life to Jesus and I am in this forever. I love it. Goodbye to this ministry in India, but NEVER to Jesus wrecking my life. 

My sweet sister Katie bought me oreos and gave me this purse! 

I'm SWAG. (Day Forty Eight)

     July 28th, 2012 - Chennai, India
     Today was our last free day in India and I have been thinking about all of the relationships I have made on this trip. All of these amazing people, who love the Lord, push me on towards Jesus.
     I will miss them and the way they encourage me but I know God has so many things for me when I get home and I am excited for the changes that will come.
     We drove to Chennai, in the city, and went to an Indian shopping mall. We ate lunch at KFC and it was so good to have some of our normal food. Crystel was Brittany, Beth, Tommy and my shopping MA. We called them SWAG, Shopping With an Approved Group. She is so sweet and we were able to buy some fun things to take home as gifts. I love that shopping here essentially means giving.
     I have been blessed so abundantly to be able to buy things for my friends and family back home.
     We got back to our hotel and started packing. My heart hurts as I prepare to go home because I know I won't have this constant support of people always around me. I talked with Julia at dinner, and both of us are excited about the changes that are going to happen when we get home.
     Ministry here is over. I almost feel like I should be going to another country for another month- but I am going to the US, where Jesus is needed and the lukewarm Church needs to be revived.
     Go, share the Gospel, be the hands and feet of Jesus  love the way He loves and stop judging. Do it. You won't. 

My SWAG! Plus Michelle.

Lunch!

The Lord (Day Forty Seven)

     July 27th, 2012 - Chennai, India
     The ministry here in India for this time is over. This morning we went to a government school with over 1,300 students. The principal welcomed us and gave us cold coke to drink. We were not allowed to talk about Jesus, and the woman in charge was supposed to welcome us and then leave, but instead she stayed for our whole program.
     The students danced for us, sang and welcomed us. We then did our chicken skit and doctor skit and then I shared my testimony without mentioning Jesus, and instead saying Lord. I have never shared my testimony about Jesus and not mentioned His name. Grace and I were talking about how we felt like spies, going in and not supposed to talk about Jesus, but just spreading Him around anyway and being an example FOR Him.
     After my testimony, Julia shared how they can be good students, Hadley shared about being a good friend, and Shannon reminded them the important qualities for being the hope of their country. 
     We left and went to our FINAL ministry site of this trip. We invited many people and then got all geared up to do our drama for the last time, in a little dirt area right beside the road. The sky was full of clouds when I went out for 'Pleasure', my pleasure ribbon was blowing so hard in the wind that I couldn't really dance with it. We prayed and prayed against rain  and monsoon storms and it did not rain until we got back to our hotel. My MIG went and spoke wit a huge group of women and shared the Gospel. We asked their names and all of them were so sweet. Several of them wanted to put their trust in Jesus and many of them go to church. We prayed over them, encouraged them to read the Word, go to church and pray for Jesus  We got on the bus as the sun went down and a beautiful sunset ignited the sky. The way the sky looked is how my heart felt- a beautiful ending for two months on this side of the world.
     After ministry, we went to one of the pastors' house, drank tea and ate cookies. We prayed for the family and the group of believers that gathered in the pastors house.
     They said they were so thankful for us, but I am so blessed by them. They are giving all of themselves for this work and doing a great job, by the blessing of the Lord. Not surprisingly  we sang our way home for a while, then I talked to Grace about going home. Christ has changed us so much and we are not the same people who left two months ago. How will we let Christ change who we are at home? Who we are here is the 'real' us, who God wants us to be and we want that to carry on into our lives at home. Both of us were baptized and we love being able to leave all of that old stuff behind. I am completely new and I cannot get over it!
     After supper, our MA's went out and we all painted nails and talked. When Jessica came back, our MAG talked about how amazing every person is on our team and how each person is a blessing but also gifted differently. we went to bed so glad with the people God has put us together to live with, worship with, laugh with and minister with for two months. Thank you, Lord!

I am sharing my testimony with all of these kids, without mentioning Jesus.

She danced for us.

Grace left her scarf on the bus. So we are sharing.